MAKING TIME... ALWAYS

WE GOT EXTRA TIME.

I was reading about how the concept of “wasting time” is more of a Western philosophy. Other places—with more established identities that equate to a balanced lifestyle for those who dwell there—do not carry this same anxiety. Unlike the West, which feels as if compensation is needed for its juvenile state in comparison to other nations of the world.

Time, in truth, is defined by lived experience or a memory made for oneself. That is to say: time only ever trails behind, never residing ahead. Much like my understanding that we, as creatures, truly reside on the edge of existence. With the assumption that we will see another day, we plan, strategize, and prepare for what’s to come. Borderline arrogant, if you ask me.

What is really true is the memories and instances that have subliminally placed us here, in this current moment. And even those—though near in our hearts and minds—evade the grasp of reality. They do not exist anymore. They are gone.

I had a dream last night about my snake Eve (a recurring dream) that upon entering my room she had split into many different forms of herself. Some large, some small. Some had different coloring and others were more aggressive. Not only did the problem of “what to do with all of these snakes” strike me, but the sorrowful realization that I didn’t know which one was the original her. What hurt me more was knowing that as her owner (father, lol) I couldn’t tell the difference between the one who had been with me for over five years and who was a mere clone.

In cohesion with this, entering the space was a person from my past—indistinguishable to the sight but familiar in spirit and presence. An artificial lover. One that pacified the immediate thought of intimacy but was incapable of prolonging the interest into deep satisfaction. Once realizing the dilemma I was in, she reserved the option of leaving. Unoffended, as any gentleman should be, but dispirited by the sight of another fleeing ship, I rushed to my building hallway to propose my final attempt at unification, met with dismissal.

Just me and my snakes.